by Rumplestiltskin.
"Oh shit". Those were Segor Gagma's first thoughts when he got up. It was almost 7:30 in the watch and he remembered that he was suppose to get up at 6. He looked around. For some reason a retard interior designer had put a life-size mirror right infront of his bed. Segor always hated it. He had a glance in the mirror. Segor was ugly and he knew it. "But not THIS ugly", he thought. After looking carefully, he found out that he was metamorphosised into a bug.
Segor was smart and he had read "Metomorphosis" by Kafka. He had secretely thought that it was the stupidest novel ever. But infront of his fake intellectual friends, he had said great things about it. His complaint was simple. The story promised to be a great sci-fi creature-feature but Kafka somehow could not realize the money he could have made by selling this to some hollywood big-fish. "Here is my chance to cash on on what he could not!", Segor thought.
First things first. He knew he had to sway a little to get out of the bed. He was up in no time. He observed his new body carefully. Somehow it was not very different from his older one. Well, he had eight.. limbs. But that was the only difference. He felt like Dock-Ock from Spidey2. Next moment he was crawling on the ceiling! "COOL MAN!", he thought. "This feels like an upgrade from Win95 to XP. New skin and a lot of new features!". He especially loved his new and shiny antennas.
Segor was a software professional. A QA engineer to be precise. And he hated his job because hating your own job was a fashion. On this particular day, he was supposed to attend a conference call about the latest bug in the latest build. "These developers are useless. They dont know what they are doing. This project is going nowhwere", he remembered telling his friend. To be frank, he was very confortable in his job. People would have killed for a job where you have to go to office at 10 in the morning, do almost nothing but crib about things and receive a fat pay-check on 1st of every month. Segor smiled at his good fortune.
He sat on the chair infront of his workstation. He started calling into the tele-conf bridge. Somehow he knew that this conf call would be canceled.
"Hi, Segor here", he said after the long beep.
"Hey Segor, Sorry for the inconvinience but most of the guys are caught up in some high-priority project meeting. I guess I have to reschedule this meeting. Sorry again.", said his manager.
"No problem. bye".
"Asshole", Segor muttered to himself.
"SO no BUG meeting today". He chuckled at his own pun.
He checked his mail. Typing with six hands was so much easier. He forwarded a mail with some nice photos to his friends' mailing list. He read his daily news and blogs like a ritual. Now that he was done with the routine stuff, he started thinking about what to do next.
Possibilities were infinite. "I'll do this systematically. I'll have a plan.", he decided. He knew very well that if you want a plan, you have to have an excell sheet for that. He watched the stupid hour-glass turning round and round as his workstation struggled to start MS Excell.
"OK! here I go".
He opened that standard template he had used for many projects before. First item was "Project Scope:". "Nothing less than World domination!", he roared and grinned like a maniac and typed "Optimal use of the new equipment to to maximize efficiency". He was good at this. Writing non-sensical stuff that looked and sounded important was one of his plus points.
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Thats all I have. :)
Yours Sinerely,
